I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
