He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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