You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
