I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
