I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
