There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
