Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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