dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
