Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This is my gift to your gina
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
