just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
