I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
