Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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