he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
