I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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