The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
