We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
