No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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