the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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