I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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