I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
