I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
