I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
