Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
