dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
What a dumb baby whore.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
