Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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