I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
