party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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