no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
