well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
