the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
