I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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