Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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