Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
