If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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