This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
