I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Congratulations! We have a period
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
