this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
