Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
