i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
