I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
