his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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