your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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