Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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