You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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