and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
