hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
