matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
