Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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