I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
