I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
