call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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