i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
