So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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