i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
