How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
