I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
