You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
